Thanx

On your pseudo, no-commitment, officially unofficial anniversary, you owe ME a card that reads .......

Thank you for wanting more. I don't know what I do without his mediocrity. I appreciate you for not putting up with his bullshit. I would have died if he had actually had a spine, man'd up and made a decision. Now we're a match made in officially unofficial heaven...

Thanks Girl

Because you're gonna have to thank me for being real

For making him even consider you, let alone seal the deal

You're gonna have to thank me for being me

Walking away gracefully, and not "spilling the tea"

Because he called you stupid and played you to the left

Told me you meant nothing and that his disinterest caused you unrest

You're gonna have to thank me because I'm the reason why

He realized his yearning for no count women, now you're the twinkle in his eye...

Cranium Conundrum

He met me on dictionary.com

We danced through the word of the day

and picnicked in the thesaurus.

He brought me bouquets of knowledge.

I giggled and inhaled the refreshing aroma of education.

He impressed me with his appreciation of my thoughts and vocabulary.

I was smitten by his sense of humor

And we had a cerebral love affair....

Eventually I gave in and let him stroke my inner most thoughts

Allowed him to caress my ego and make love to my imagination.

I've never felt so electrified within the confines of my own mind.

A love affair set ablaze by my fingertips

Soaring through my body

And igniting an inferno in my soul.

And we had a cerebral love affair.....

One so problematic and enigmatic

I can't even tell my friends

They don't seem to understand its not my body

Its my mind that's gone

How can something that feels sooo right

be

so

wrong?

We're having a cerebral love affair....

a quarter past love

If I said I loved him
I wouldn't be lying
Its the word that comes to mind
Time after time

His voice comes booming through the phone
Demanding respect and attention
mmmmm...His boyish laughter
I need a love intervention

Capturing my affection immediately
It might just be the way he's feeling me

Or maybe its how his accent sounds like a song
Giggling to myself
This man had my heart all along

But if I said I loved him
It would be too soon
Do I really know him?
Does his heart have room?
For me to reside comfortably
I need soo much.
Can he give it to me?

Well if i said I loved him
I wouldn't be lying
Truth is I do but I can't convince my mind.

I'm a quarter past love....omg look at the time...

Bonnie & Clyde + 1: Dealing w/ Your Friends New Boo

Keisha and Dawn have been girls for what seems like forever. They hang together, party together, shop together and start shit together! Ace boon coons is an understatement. One faithful day Dawn finds a boo. Now their 1 + 1 = 3??!?!?

This is a common scenario. At some point in time, somebody is gonna find love or at least some strong like! Sometimes this is a seamless transition and other times its an issue. For whatever reason, whether it be Boo'd up friend neglecting the friendship or Single friend being "overly concerned" aka JEALOUS; there may be a bit of drama. However, there are some surefire ways to avoid any strife in your life when Thelma and Louise becomes Bonnie and Clyde plus one....

1. If you're the single friend make sure you are HAPPY for your girl! If she likes it damn it you love it! One day you'll be in the same position and you'd want her to be happy for you. Even if he isn't who you'd picture her w/, still be there and act excited.

• SIDENOTE: If you can't muster some good feelings, either 1. You're not really her friend; 2. You are more than likely a hater.
  

2. Understand that things are going to be different. Weekly club hoppin' may become monthly or twice a quarter! She is getting to know her new boo and they need THEIR time! She's not going to be able to spend hours on end on the phone or taking spur of the moment trips to ATL for the weekend. If they're serious she wants to spend time w/ him. You don't pay for meals, open the door for her nor do you dick her down, so........yeah......HE WINS!

• SIDENOTE: this overdose of quality time will dwindle and she will eventually come out to play more often. Welcome her back into the fold w/ open arms...Don't be bitter!

3. This one is important so pay attention...Constantly having a negative opinion about your girl's boo will eventually wear and tear on your friendship....even if your negative opinion is true. At this moment in her life she is completely smitten w/ him and there isn't much you can say to change her mind. So pointing out his every flaw and shortcoming is going to devalue your opinion and make you seem like a hater. Plain and simple. So anything short of him blacking her eye, calling her a dumb bitch or giving her a disease....SHUT THE FUCK UP!

• SIDENOTE: And don't give me that shit about her asking your opinion!! She's just venting! He's a dirty son of a bitch tonight but he'll be her Bookie Bear in the morning!
  

4. If you're the Boo'd up friend don't cling so tightly to your man that he becomes your EVERYTHING. Trust he'll never REALLY wanna go shopping, get a mani/pedi or CARE that Kim from RHOA is a sneaky hoe! Honestly he doesn't have the attention span for that. So don't completely abandon your friends for any man. Trust me, he not only will appreciate but will encourage outside interaction.

A good homegirl is a prized possession. Somebody you can confide in and truly be yourself around is special. So when she finds love, being happy for her should be second nature. Her happiness is your happiness. However, being creatures of habit we don't always welcome change. So snap out of it and get w/it! He may have a cute brother/cousin/homeboy for you to snuggle with. Worse case scenario he ain't shit and you two are FORCED to bust his windows.....that's what friends are for.....

F*CK LOVE

.............it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

That is such utter cow manure. First of all, how many of you even know what love is? To some of you, Love is a four letter word like sh*t and f*ck. Unofficially, I no longer believe that I'm able to love someone outside of my family. I can no longer sacrifice my feelings for the hopes that someone will be dumb enough to sacrifice theirs.

Yes, I'm officially over love. I LOVE Jackie and Frank and Montrell. I love them because they loved me before I even knew how to love. They love me unconditionally. They are the air that I breathe. I love my Jesus who died on the cross for me. Notice a pattern?? All of these people have shown and proved that they are worthy of my love. I just didn't meet them and decide, "Hey. Your kinda cool. I may love you"!!!!!!!

I just don't understand how people just FALL in love. And think that's okay. People FALL off the Cooper River bridge and no one thinks that's okay. Notice the words used to describe someone in love: CRAZY in love, MADLY in love, HEAD OVER HEELS in love.

These are some strong words!! CRAZY people belong in an institution. MAD dogs are put to sleep. And being HEAD OVER HEELS sounds like the beginning of an interesting suicide attempt. I just don't get why people are tripping over themselves trying to find love. Love is a step in the direction of a mental institution.

Anybody ever heard of Crimes of Passion??? Ya know, when you catch your mate cheating and you pull out a gun and shoot him and his skanky mate in the head?!?! LOVE makes you do things like this!!!! Love will make you forget that shooting a man will put you in jail because all you can hear is the sound of your heart breaking as the pieces gather on the floor under his feet.....

The only way I'LL EVER FALL IN LOVE is if man shows some AMAZING act of love and devotion. i.e. take a bullet, do some time for me, etc. You just can't call me beautiful and buy me things and expect me to just FALL in LOVE.
I'm not falling DAMN IT. Love better push me on the ground and beat my ass cause that's the only way I'll ever submit!!!!!!

*DISCLAIMER*
For the record, if you feel you are in love, please don't allow me to deter you from that. You may be. You may have also completely lost your mind and that's fine by me. These are my personal views about LOVE.

It takes a fool to learn, that love don't love nobody.

What Do You Have to Offer?

My Lame Ass Date With Earl...

So I see people use these little blog things to vent and rant...well I've got some shit to say! lol

Lets see here.....hmmm...well I went on the BEST date with the LAMEST guy the other day. So this guy, who I'll refer to as EARL, because that's what we call lames, asked me out. Now I had been kind of avoiding him because....well honestly...I just don't find him attractive! period. However, I was like "hey" I'm home from college...whats the worse that could happen? Well apparently the answer to that question is HE COULD BE LAME AS HELL!

Let me give you the run down. Here in Charleston we have a big art festival, Spolletto. (real cultural experience...step your culture game up) So Earl asked if he could take me to a few shows. Cool. I should have known something was up when he came to pick me up early..... Who does that? I'm not even gonna mention what he had on...boooo to his fashion. So we get there....EARLY...so we have drinks at a really nice restaurant on King St., Fish.

Now I'm gonna pause right have and give you a disclaimer.....I don't drink cheap liquor. I just think that is rude, crude, and socially unacceptable. HOWEVER, for this occasion I didn't want to come across as the boujee bitch I know this person thinks I am.

So when the waitress asked what I wanted I asked for an apple martini w/ house liquor. I figure, we're in the ritzy part of town, the worse the house liquor could be is Sky(which in my opinion is sub par but whatever)....Please tell me why Earl orders the same thing...a man sipping an apple martini.....booo to his drink choice.....So its time to head out this dude leaves a $5 tip. Why? We only had time for one drink! So now you stuntin?

Fast forward....first show is over...Its time to get the tickets for the next show....Why is this nigga short on his cash and ask me for a dollar?!?!?! Really? Booooo to your brokeness! Now I'm a thorough chick, I didn't stunt on him. I gave him the dollar but I had a sour taste in my mouth at that point. Nevertheless, we get in the show and he says, "I'm all out of cash, I wanted to get a beer" {insert my infamous stink face} Was that a request? Nigga you asked ME out! The sad part is he kept repeating himself as if I should say, "oh I'll get us something more to drink" Booooo to that lame ass assumption! I don't come out of pocket on the first date....shit on any date for that matter! lol

The whole time I'm sitting with Earl, all I could think of was the at least three other people that would have made this rather creative date better. He got points for creativity but ended up in the negatives with his lame behavior. Lets just go ahead and say he took me straight home afterwards. I couldn't take it. One more second and I would have pulled a Coyote Ugly and bit my damn arm off!

So that was my date with Earl.....Booo to his LAMENESS