Hi. My name is Chantell and I was in an abusive relationship...

In the last couple of weeks I have realized that I was in an abusive relationship. Seriously, like really abusive. Now being the cool, confident and self-assured woman that I am, it was hard for even me to believe that I could subject myself to such behavior. But I did.

I fell in love w/ a man that I put on a pedestal in my mind. He was older, well traveled and an all around manly kinda man. One of those gentle giant types. I was smitten. He was a personal trainer and I wanted to shed some pounds so we did that. He would wake up early or stay out late to ensure I worked out. He would encourage me to eat right and stick with it. I thought I had found my Prince Charming.

Sadly, I was mistaken. I have a big personality. I live by the creed that I don't walk around like I'm better than anybody, but NO person walking this Earth is better than me. I'm extremely confident in my intelligence and my appearance. Size 10 or 4, I'm a bad chick! My boyfriend had a problem with this. He would rarely compliment me and be extremely critical of me in all aspects of my life. I brought home exams with perfect scores, he tells me you should always make good grades. I put on lingerie he tells me I've put on weight. What part of the game is that?

If I ever disagreed with him it would be an all out war. He was not open to hearing my point of view or accepting my advice unless it was solicited. It was so bad that I would govern my comments to avoid an altercation. I wanted my relationship to work so I worked hard to keep him happy even at the expense of my own happiness. I fooled myself to believe that he just wanted what was best for me. I sold myself this story for over a year. I never insisted that he show me love and affection. I felt like I was confident enough to pacify myself. I mean really, I toot my own horn, LOUDLY, every day, so did I really need him too? Yes, I did.

I've learned two VERY important lessons from this relationship.

1. A man has to think as highly of me as I do. He's not gonna be able to convince me otherwise, so we need to be on one accord. I want my man to be fan-DAMN-tastic. I will ALWAYS allow him to be the king and I will treat him as such but he has to do the same. I'm a star so supernovas need only apply. If a man is insecure, he will bring you down. He will constantly find ways to make you question and doubt yourself. Your partner should elevate you and make you feel special **Disclaimer** Don't be delusional. Nobody needs somebody who can only tell them how great they are and not call them on their shit! I'm not perfect and my partner should be able to lovingly correct me and point me in the right direction.

2. I will NEVER again dull my shine to compensate for anyone's insecurities. I'm me and I love it. If you have a problem with that....KICK ROCKS W/ NO SOCKS!


Its crazy to think that I would subject myself to this but I did. Ladies don't allow anyone to mistreat you, belittle you, or give you anything less than what you deserve. We are all wondorously made. Love yourself and insist others do the same.