F*CK LOVE

.............it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

That is such utter cow manure. First of all, how many of you even know what love is? To some of you, Love is a four letter word like sh*t and f*ck. Unofficially, I no longer believe that I'm able to love someone outside of my family. I can no longer sacrifice my feelings for the hopes that someone will be dumb enough to sacrifice theirs.

Yes, I'm officially over love. I LOVE Jackie and Frank and Montrell. I love them because they loved me before I even knew how to love. They love me unconditionally. They are the air that I breathe. I love my Jesus who died on the cross for me. Notice a pattern?? All of these people have shown and proved that they are worthy of my love. I just didn't meet them and decide, "Hey. Your kinda cool. I may love you"!!!!!!!

I just don't understand how people just FALL in love. And think that's okay. People FALL off the Cooper River bridge and no one thinks that's okay. Notice the words used to describe someone in love: CRAZY in love, MADLY in love, HEAD OVER HEELS in love.

These are some strong words!! CRAZY people belong in an institution. MAD dogs are put to sleep. And being HEAD OVER HEELS sounds like the beginning of an interesting suicide attempt. I just don't get why people are tripping over themselves trying to find love. Love is a step in the direction of a mental institution.

Anybody ever heard of Crimes of Passion??? Ya know, when you catch your mate cheating and you pull out a gun and shoot him and his skanky mate in the head?!?! LOVE makes you do things like this!!!! Love will make you forget that shooting a man will put you in jail because all you can hear is the sound of your heart breaking as the pieces gather on the floor under his feet.....

The only way I'LL EVER FALL IN LOVE is if man shows some AMAZING act of love and devotion. i.e. take a bullet, do some time for me, etc. You just can't call me beautiful and buy me things and expect me to just FALL in LOVE.
I'm not falling DAMN IT. Love better push me on the ground and beat my ass cause that's the only way I'll ever submit!!!!!!

*DISCLAIMER*
For the record, if you feel you are in love, please don't allow me to deter you from that. You may be. You may have also completely lost your mind and that's fine by me. These are my personal views about LOVE.

It takes a fool to learn, that love don't love nobody.

What Do You Have to Offer?

My Lame Ass Date With Earl...

So I see people use these little blog things to vent and rant...well I've got some shit to say! lol

Lets see here.....hmmm...well I went on the BEST date with the LAMEST guy the other day. So this guy, who I'll refer to as EARL, because that's what we call lames, asked me out. Now I had been kind of avoiding him because....well honestly...I just don't find him attractive! period. However, I was like "hey" I'm home from college...whats the worse that could happen? Well apparently the answer to that question is HE COULD BE LAME AS HELL!

Let me give you the run down. Here in Charleston we have a big art festival, Spolletto. (real cultural experience...step your culture game up) So Earl asked if he could take me to a few shows. Cool. I should have known something was up when he came to pick me up early..... Who does that? I'm not even gonna mention what he had on...boooo to his fashion. So we get there....EARLY...so we have drinks at a really nice restaurant on King St., Fish.

Now I'm gonna pause right have and give you a disclaimer.....I don't drink cheap liquor. I just think that is rude, crude, and socially unacceptable. HOWEVER, for this occasion I didn't want to come across as the boujee bitch I know this person thinks I am.

So when the waitress asked what I wanted I asked for an apple martini w/ house liquor. I figure, we're in the ritzy part of town, the worse the house liquor could be is Sky(which in my opinion is sub par but whatever)....Please tell me why Earl orders the same thing...a man sipping an apple martini.....booo to his drink choice.....So its time to head out this dude leaves a $5 tip. Why? We only had time for one drink! So now you stuntin?

Fast forward....first show is over...Its time to get the tickets for the next show....Why is this nigga short on his cash and ask me for a dollar?!?!?! Really? Booooo to your brokeness! Now I'm a thorough chick, I didn't stunt on him. I gave him the dollar but I had a sour taste in my mouth at that point. Nevertheless, we get in the show and he says, "I'm all out of cash, I wanted to get a beer" {insert my infamous stink face} Was that a request? Nigga you asked ME out! The sad part is he kept repeating himself as if I should say, "oh I'll get us something more to drink" Booooo to that lame ass assumption! I don't come out of pocket on the first date....shit on any date for that matter! lol

The whole time I'm sitting with Earl, all I could think of was the at least three other people that would have made this rather creative date better. He got points for creativity but ended up in the negatives with his lame behavior. Lets just go ahead and say he took me straight home afterwards. I couldn't take it. One more second and I would have pulled a Coyote Ugly and bit my damn arm off!

So that was my date with Earl.....Booo to his LAMENESS

Hi. My name is Chantell and I was in an abusive relationship...

In the last couple of weeks I have realized that I was in an abusive relationship. Seriously, like really abusive. Now being the cool, confident and self-assured woman that I am, it was hard for even me to believe that I could subject myself to such behavior. But I did.

I fell in love w/ a man that I put on a pedestal in my mind. He was older, well traveled and an all around manly kinda man. One of those gentle giant types. I was smitten. He was a personal trainer and I wanted to shed some pounds so we did that. He would wake up early or stay out late to ensure I worked out. He would encourage me to eat right and stick with it. I thought I had found my Prince Charming.

Sadly, I was mistaken. I have a big personality. I live by the creed that I don't walk around like I'm better than anybody, but NO person walking this Earth is better than me. I'm extremely confident in my intelligence and my appearance. Size 10 or 4, I'm a bad chick! My boyfriend had a problem with this. He would rarely compliment me and be extremely critical of me in all aspects of my life. I brought home exams with perfect scores, he tells me you should always make good grades. I put on lingerie he tells me I've put on weight. What part of the game is that?

If I ever disagreed with him it would be an all out war. He was not open to hearing my point of view or accepting my advice unless it was solicited. It was so bad that I would govern my comments to avoid an altercation. I wanted my relationship to work so I worked hard to keep him happy even at the expense of my own happiness. I fooled myself to believe that he just wanted what was best for me. I sold myself this story for over a year. I never insisted that he show me love and affection. I felt like I was confident enough to pacify myself. I mean really, I toot my own horn, LOUDLY, every day, so did I really need him too? Yes, I did.

I've learned two VERY important lessons from this relationship.

1. A man has to think as highly of me as I do. He's not gonna be able to convince me otherwise, so we need to be on one accord. I want my man to be fan-DAMN-tastic. I will ALWAYS allow him to be the king and I will treat him as such but he has to do the same. I'm a star so supernovas need only apply. If a man is insecure, he will bring you down. He will constantly find ways to make you question and doubt yourself. Your partner should elevate you and make you feel special **Disclaimer** Don't be delusional. Nobody needs somebody who can only tell them how great they are and not call them on their shit! I'm not perfect and my partner should be able to lovingly correct me and point me in the right direction.

2. I will NEVER again dull my shine to compensate for anyone's insecurities. I'm me and I love it. If you have a problem with that....KICK ROCKS W/ NO SOCKS!


Its crazy to think that I would subject myself to this but I did. Ladies don't allow anyone to mistreat you, belittle you, or give you anything less than what you deserve. We are all wondorously made. Love yourself and insist others do the same.

Please Stop Playing in My Kitchen

Ok. So this was clearly a week of revelation and affirmation of what I will and will NOT tolerate from ANY man. With that being said I want to discuss this idea of men not wanting to be in relationships. They always say something like this:

"You know I'm not really ready for a relationship. If something happens it happens..."---bullshit!

What this translates to in girl talk is, "If you bend over backwards and hold me down I'll wife you."

What he's really saying is, "I'm telling you ahead of time not to catch feelings. More than likely this situation will not work out and when it does I am not responsible because I told you I wasn't looking for a girlfriend"

I always thought this was funny. Its funny because all it does is send a woman into overdrive. Now she's putting her best foot forward; doing everything to make him realize her potential. She's cooking, cleaning and pretty much playing wifey in order to get this dude to wife her. WRONG!!!!

I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that its not gonna work. Sorry.

Men thoroughly enjoy a relationship environment without with they deem as hassles. (hassles: nagging, being "locked down", drama) They want all of your feminine attributes. Your soft body, sensual tone, comforting words...and not to mention you know how to whip up a meal and do a lil laundry here and there. lol They love all of that.

So what do they do? They start pulling out the ingredients to get what they want.

Sugar: the sweet gestures; warm hugs; overall affirmation that you are a woman of substance

• This is how he makes you feel special. You're pretty certain he doesn't treat every other girl like this and you're probably right. This is his true nature...he loves to show love.
  

Flour: in public interaction; dates, outings, whatever you call it; you're not a booty call (in most situations) if he takes you out in public

• I put this under flour because flour is usually the most important ingredient. When you step outside, that's a whole other level! lol You holding hands w/ other couples in the movies. Its the part everybody sees.
  

Butter: Affection....that butta love! lol

• This is pretty self-explanatory. He rides you up (that's Charlestonian for having sex...lol), puts it on you right and you love it.
  

Eggs: this is what holds it together....consistency. He's always around, always calls, etc.

• In any recipe that calls for eggs you know the eggs hold things together. This is the bond. You can count on him, he's dependable. Naturally you like being with him.

When you put these things together, give or take a lil vanilla extract and baking powder, you're baking a cake. Not a rump roast, not broccoli casserole! CAKE! So don't be surprised when a woman whips that shit up and throws it in the oven! lol

A man? Oh he'll sit around and eat batter all day! Like a big damn kid! He's content. On the contrary, a woman is waiting for the ingredients to come together to be something more. We don't want no damn batter! However, we'll give a guy our good eggs, flour, butter and sugar hoping he'll see that the end product can be something special. l

Be careful who you let riffle through your pantry and use your ingredients. If the two of you aren't trying to create the same thing then you might need to excuse him out of your kitchen. Its okay to lick the beaters but who wants cake that never goes in the oven?

You're Running...Is Somone Chasing You?

When you meet someone for the first time, it is easy to want to give them the whole kit and caboodle. Especially as a woman, we want to lay it out for a person to see all of our good attributes. This is emotional intimacy. Although we may have good intentions, this could be a major mistake. Men are like children. They can't have desert before dinner or they won't eat their peas. period. We can't give them everything in the first week. What your mothers said was true, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" This goes way beyond holding out on giving up the goodies. It has a lot to do with your time, your spirit and just all around who you are as a person. You've allowed someone entry into your palace and they haven't paid the entrance fee!

Getting to know me should be like a well organized scavenger hunt. You read the clues and move on to the next adventure. You don't get the prize until you've done the work!!! Don't jump into emotional intimacy with anyone who hasn't done the work to warrant that type of relationship. Only give as much as you're willing to lose. For example, my time is very valuable to me, so, I don't like my time wasted on anything! With that being said, I can only give you my time if I truly believe you see it as being as valuable as I do. This becomes extremely problematic because once we've given too much then we resent the other person for not giving as much. We hate them for not giving equally when there was never any intentions of doing so! Now you mad! lol

Guard your heart and only allow access to those who are truly worthy. This keeps things cool and light-hearted. Now don't become cold and isolated, just be more discerning of who you take in. It can be illustrated as two people playing tag. If I tag you and start running and you never attempt to chase me....that means you don't want to play anymore! lol However, if you tag me back that means you want to play! Ladies...make sure you aren't running without anyone chasing you!

Love to love to love ya....

So I'm convinced I'm in love with love. After watching the Sex and the City movie, (for the umpteenth time) I still got choked up. I just absolutely love to see love prevail. When I find someone to completely share myself with, mind, body and soul, I want to be able to tell our love story.

However (now you know this was coming), I think being in love with love is a problem for women. Essentially we have this idea that love will conquer all when in fact everyone does NOT deserve your unbridled and unconditional love. This is why, as women, we stay in relationships that are unhealthy, physically or emotionally, because we live in the fantasy that love will ultimately prevail. What we need to internalize is a man will make mistakes. He will not be perfect or without fault. Nevertheless, he will strive to be all that you need. Even in his wrongdoings, he will sincerely apologize and work to never make that mistake again.

Example: Cheating

A. He has a night of indiscretion. He's caught. He apologizes and works hard to make you regain his trust.----this may be someone that deserves a second chance

B. He has nights of indiscretion. He's caught multiple times. He apologizes. Tries to convince you that the past is the past and you need to move on.....----this is probably not someone you should waste one more breath on!

In relationships, it is important to work together to grow and flourish. No person comes into a situation knowing everything they need to know to make that relationship work. So there will be ups and downs. But before you give your all to someone make sure of these few things:

1. Is this person worthy to have all of me?---you have to start on the same page. If he's not worthy....move on.

2. Does he give as much as I do to the relationship?---relationships are allll about getting as much as you put in. The same way you don't pay $85 at Payless for a pair of shoes, is the same way you don't give your all and someone gives only 10%

3. Do honestly feel he will be open to grow and learn who I am to make this relationship better?---this is probably the most important thing. If he does not want to adapt to who you are to make the situation better.....bye bye be gone-Young Ralph